SCP-5001 (Stuff)

SCP-5001

Object Class: Keter

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-5001 is to be kept in a 6 m x 6 room, and constantly monitored under surveillance cameras. No personnel is permitted to verbally claim to “do stuff”.

Description: SCP-5001 is Caucasian male humanoid similar in appearance to the actor Robert Downey Jr, but in monochrome colours. Besides the odd colouring of SCP-5001 it exhibits no other anomalous properties.

SCP-5001’s anomalous properties manifest when someone claims to have “done stuff”. Once the verbal trigger has been said, SCP-5001 appears in front of the personnel and replies with “I’m stuff”. This triggers a cognitohazordous effect in which the personnel recalls having intercourse with SCP-5001. After remembering these events the personnel immediately goes into cardiac arrest, no known way to stop this has been found.

Addendum: D-125478

Dr. [REDACTED]: Please claim to be “doing stuff”

D-125478: What the hell do you mean?

Dr. [REDACTED]: Just do it.

D-125478: Oh hey, I was just doing stuff

5001 manifests in front and goes into an active cognitohazardous state and D-125478 immediately goes into cardiac arrest and dies within 1 minute